As my baby turns 2 today I reflect back on how I felt when she was born. She was perfect she was our world everything we ever wanted. After she was born she was taken up to Primary's Children Hospital because they were worried about her lungs being under developed. She was 3lbs 9oz. At that time nothing felt worse than knowing that my one duty as a mother was to keep my child safe and healthy and I had felt I had let her down, that I had let Luke down. I was devastated.
The next afternoon on Dec 20, 2009 the Dr. came into the room and said that if I was able to get up and move (I had a c-section) that I would be able to leave the hospital for a couple hours and go see my baby. Later that night Luke and I set out to Primary's to see our baby. As we walked into the NICU it felt as thought we had been let into another world. We approached our baby girls bed and was greeted by a nurse. She began to talk to us and let us know their worries and concerns about her. After a couple minuets I stopped listing I went numb. I asked her if she was talking about Down Syndrome, and she said yes. To me that meant the world ended and I wanted to die, one of my worst fears had come true. How long would she live, would Luke leave me, Drake would hate me, our families would be embarrassed and mad and want nothing to do with her and me/us. I had truly failed and I just wanted to run away!!! I had left the NICU and we headed back to our hospital were I cried all night.
Like I said... Today I reflect... I look back and realized that I can't apologize or ever feel guilty for how I felt because they were all very real raw feeling of a naive and closed minded girl. But... today I could not be more grateful for this opportunity to be Dylan's mother to get to see and witness her magic to be apart of this amazing world of T21. She has brought so much joy, love, magic, wonder, to all she comes in contact with. She is my/our little mirical baby. She has showed us what life is truly about.
I end this with sending a GREAT BIG Blogger Happy Birthday to my sweet baby girl Dylan. We love you more than words could ever express. You brought us back to life our sweet angel and for that we will always be greatful to you. Hugs&Luvs baby girl.
4 comments:
Ok now I'm crying! That was truely beautiful Kirby
Beautiful tribute. Happy birthday Deo!
I can't believe how quickly these two years have passed. Its hard to think about the pain you were in when all I felt for you in those first moments was love, admiration, and sadness for your pain and fear. I admire so much the strength and love that you and Luke have for each other, for my niece and nephew, and for all that come in contact with you.
I am so grateful for our miracle angel girl with her beautiful - see through to your soul - eyes, her infectious smile and laugh, her pure unending love, and her silly antics. Thank you for bringing Dylan into our lives!
oh look how sweet she is. She is just so beautiful!
Amy
love-bug-blog.com
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